You might be my kind of candidate if...

…you blame America last.
…you kinda like it when terrorists are made uncomfortable.
…you think a Senate majority leader who constantly tells us how things are doomed while a war is still ongoing needs a good bit**-slapping.
…you think it’s great if a murderer finds God, but that doesn’t mean he should be let out of prison.
…you think America’s sovereignty is kinda important.
…you think anyone who talks about how the rich aren’t “paying their fair share” is a whiny little Communist.
…”great hair” is low on your list of presidential requirements.
…call you crazy, but you’d prefer a presidential candidate who actually shares your conservative views.
…you think it’s time someone did something about the hippies.
…you think someone didn’t draw those border lines on a map just for fun.
…you prefer movies where American troops are the good guys.
…you suspect the Iran might actually be up to something.
... you do not think eight years of looking the other way qualifies you to expect citizens will "trust" you to be on top of obvious problems.